Despite an half decent cast, Michael Caine ("King") just can't carry this and after about fifteen minutes, once we have established the premiss, it all just falls into a well trammelled line of mediocrity. He is a sort of penny dreadful style of author, who is offered the opportunity to write the biography of former Hollywood star "Preston Gilbert" (Mickey Rooney) at his Maltese home. Once there, he soon appreciates that his employer is the target of an assassin working for some mobsters. Suffice to say, he doesn't remain a target for long - and it falls to "King" to stay alive himself, whilst completing his story about the eccentric "Gilbert". It had potential, this - but sadly the plot runs out of steam very quickly, the humour is too sparse and contrived and though there are plenty of bit-part characterisations that try to keep the story interesting, it all just withers on the bough. Not terrible, but unremarkable.